Text chat, dirty text chat, sex text, rude text messaging, sex text chat, sexting – whatever you want to call it, if you’ve never done it before here’s a little bit of information to help you get started.

Warning, the below information contains adult material, if you are offended by this sort of thing then don’t read on

Sex Text Chat. What is it then?

Well basically, it’s exchanging flirty, sexy or just plain old filthy text messages with someone.

Who should I have sex text with?

Don’t just send them to anyone, there are laws about that sort of thing!

If you have a GF or BF you can try to initiate some sexy chat with them. If you’re only on the first date or if your other half is just a goddamn prude, then you can always chat to one of our sexy text babes (click here for details). Our girls might be good to practise with first too if you don’t want to nodger it up and look like a turd either.

Location

Sexting is quite different to traditional phone sex (I guess you’ve probably already worked that out!). One of the biggest differences is location.

Where can you have normal phone sex? Generally at home as it’s cheapest using your land line. Also, remember that you’ll probably need to speak so you need to be somewhere where you can’t be overheard!

With sexting as long as you remember to take your mobile phone with you, well you can sex text wherever you want!

If you’re out shopping with your GF and she’s got some clothes to try on – it’s only 3 pairs of jeans for christs sake but you know you’ll have to wait outside the changing rooms for at least 45 minutes.

Or if you’re round her parents house and need a bit of a breather ‘just going to get some fresh air dear’ – then get texting!

In the pub with the lads, the list is endless. (Well OK not endless, you couldn't do it in the basement as you’d probably get no phone signal, but you get the idea!)

What should I talk about?

Depends on who you’re texting. You could chat about the football scores or the jumper your Gran knitted you for Christmas – but that ain’t gonna get you very far!

If it’s a new GF or BF you probably want to take it easy (unless she’s been around a bit). Once you start chatting just go with the flow and you’ll have a great time.

See below for some examples to get you started (to be honest you can probably think of better than this!)

Complimentary

Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.

I really am that good

Hey baby, I'll screw you so hard the neighbors will be having a cigarette when we're done

I'm so good that risking herpes will be worth it baby

Do you like cheesy pickup lines or do you just want to do it?

First, I'd kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button

The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to have sex with you on the floor

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me

If your name were homework I’d be doing you on top of my desk right now

The word of the day is "legs". Let's go back to my place and spread the word

Optimistic

I'll bet you $20 my dick can't fit into your mouth

I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?

Would you screw a complete stranger? (No) Then hi, my name is...

I'm conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Would you like to participate?

I’m starring in a porno movie. Would you help me learn my lines?

My teddy bears in the wash can I sleep with you tonight?

Romantic

Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

I'm on a mission to get over you, in other words mission impossible

Just plain funny

Roses are red, pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!

A banana and a vibrator sitting on a bedside table. Banana says to vibrator 'I don't know why you're shaking, she's gonna f**king EAT me!

What do you call a man with a 2 inch penis? Justin

Old Chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What's brown and sticky? A stick

What is the difference between Medium and Rare? 6 inches is medium 9 inches is rare

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

Mary Mary, quite contrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy

A man said 2 his doctor every time I look in the mirror I get an erection, the doctor said that's because u look like a cunt!

There is hot sex, fast sex, group sex, safe sex, kinky sex, telephone sex and for people with a face like yours there’s masturbation